You can't special order awesome
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
