yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
