you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You need a sexual gate keeper
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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