Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
