wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
