With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I forget how to act sober
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
