when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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