see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The dick lei will go down in squad history
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
