I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
3pm strippers are depressing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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