I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
