Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
