I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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