Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
