i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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