Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
