she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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