whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
