There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
