Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away