Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
