forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
