Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
