Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
