if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
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No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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