you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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