Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
