Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
