Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
