my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
