Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
