The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
