My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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