Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
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yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
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when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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