I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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