My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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