Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
