ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
being pregnant is like rehab
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
