i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
