Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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