watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize