no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
