hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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