she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
