Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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