stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
