winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
