dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
