i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
