i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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