We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
smell my finger.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
