She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦â€â™€ï¸
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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