Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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