is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
