Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
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Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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