I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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