She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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