the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
