Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize