Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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