Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
