He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
we should paint friendship bongs
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